Reflecting on "Crawling" by Linkin Park

Crawling lyrics

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling

I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence)
(I'm convinced that there's)
(Just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before so insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
Itself upon me distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence)
(I'm convinced that there's)
(Just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before so insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real

There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
(Confusing what is real)
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling
(Confusing what is real)

I am really feeling this song right now! I know the past should not matter--and it especially doesn't matter to God--but I feel like it is constantly in my face...reminding me of the person I used to be, who I never wanted to be, and I have this seemingly irrational fear of becoming the person I worked so hard at to change from...Plus I feel like I am dealing with too much pressure from everyone to succeed. It's not even that I have this fear of failure, I just hate the thought of disappointing people. People may try to mask it, but when you've disappointed someone, you can still see it in their eyes. I suppose I am still trying to figure myself out in this journey called life--and perhaps I will never understand myself, and that's okay, too because you never truly know what type of person you are until you are put to the flame up under some type of pressure.