Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Reflecting on "Monster" by Skillet

Romans 7:21-25 (New International Version)

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I know we're all human and no one is perfect, but I feel like if people were to know the "real" me sometimes--the side of me that can be downright mean and somewhat nasty--people would think I were a monster.  People would perhaps not think of me as an evil one-eyed people-eater, yet I think they could see a side of me that they would never think could ever be there. I am not by any means saying that people put me on a pedestal; in fact, I constantly remind people I am far from perfect. Yet when conversations of the past do come up, most people always gasp and say, "You did what??? I don't believe you--you're lying!!!" I am not talking about Christians either, I mean everyone has that reaction: agnostic, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist--you name it.

I actually find this happening quite hilarious, but at the same time I feel trapped because it makes me feel as though I can never tell anyone what I may possibly be struggling with at the moment. I tell God everything...I would just like to have a sounding board sometimes that I can actually see.  Not that people always give sound advice, and we're not to put our trust in them, yet everyone could use someone they can put their confidence in every once and a while.

These feelings are probably just a part of the season I am in currently--I mean everything is all gravy, but unless you're a schizoid, being alone--in terms of friendships--is tough.  I have friends; however I find myself being the sounding board more often times than not, and when I do have something I need to talk about, I never know the words to use--so just talking to God works out because I never have to try to explain things in the coherent way I have to with people--sometimes I don't even have to use words.  That's the beauty of God. Anywho, I am kind of just rambling now...

Kay Rich, out


Cocoa Bare said...

Well in response to you video.

Pretty cool, I liked.

In reference to your post.

I can only speak from our experience Sweet Kate.

I honestly saw you as one of those "good to do" or um "goody two shoes" type people.

Not saying that now I see you as some crazy lady.

But the only reason I can think of is because I really didn't know you.

I was going off of preconceived notions that I made up in my head.

I knew you as a reasonably quiet girl who went to church all the time, bible thumper, Jesus freak, w/e.

Before I start rambling, I think the issue comes when people start imagining people in the way they want...other than seeing them for what they are.

Realizing that they are people. Nothing less. Nothing more.

As far as confiding in people and having another side of yourself that not many people see...

Well thats the human conundrum.

We all have a side of ourself that we keep under wraps, that only comes out in rare occasions, to selective people.

I guess I'm lucky to have friends that I honestly feel that I could tell most things without judgement, simply because we have been around each other and known each other so long...I don't know it's like family? But different?

Because you can hardly tell family anything sometimes.

But yeah, I think you should be thankful for the relationship you have with God.

As you know, some people have yet to reach such confidence in spiritual things like that, so they have to turn to friends.

But I get it, sometimes you want to look someone in the eye.

It's normal.

As far as having people you can trust with that sort of info.

Well that's up to you Sweets.

It takes quite a bit of trust in someone to divulge that type of info to another human being.

I hope you reach out to someone one day.

I'll go ahead and be cliche' and let you know you can always talk to yours truly.

But if you wanted to you would have done so already lol.


Um. Yeah I'm done.

Kay Rich said...

Thanks! I actually laughed for real in a couple of places...and yes, I know I can always talk to you...even though I do not always exercise that privilege. I guess I'm just so used to being hurt by the people I do "let in" so I just resorted to shutting everyone out. Most of my friends only know things like my favorite color and not stuff like what's my worst fear, not that I find that odd at this point in my life...I do wonder, however, if my friends ever notice that I don't ever share "serious" matters with them as they do with me--or if they just assume I'm telling someone else? idk...

Cocoa Bare said...

Well I've noticed. As you know because whenever we talk seriously I'm trying to pry information out of you. Lol.

I feel that revealing yourself to someone can only strengthen a relationship.

But yes, you always run the risk of being hurt.

But that's the beauty isn't it?

We don't do anything without risk.

I also think it depends on your temperament overall.

If your not an open person...your not going to wake up one day and be one.

I feel I've divulged alot of myself to you.

And I don't regret it, nor worry about it.

This is something you will have to learn to do.

Trust is never easy.

But it's rewarding.

And some friends quite honestly may not want to be that "serious" friend.

Because once someone opens that part of themselves to you..I don't know. I

t's like you take on a part of their struggle.

But it also let's them know their not alone.

And that's a responsibility.

Being there. Ya know?

Kay Rich said...

U know what, part of why I don't share with certain pple is b/c i know they will internalize my issues and i don't think that's fair--depending on what it is...and somehow I've always become a "serious" friend whether I like it or not, but I will always pray for anyone so it's cool :)