Romans 7:21-25 (New International Version)
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
I know we're all human and no one is perfect, but I feel like if people were to know the "real" me sometimes--the side of me that can be downright mean and somewhat nasty--people would think I were a monster. People would perhaps not think of me as an evil one-eyed people-eater, yet I think they could see a side of me that they would never think could ever be there. I am not by any means saying that people put me on a pedestal; in fact, I constantly remind people I am far from perfect. Yet when conversations of the past do come up, most people always gasp and say, "You did what??? I don't believe you--you're lying!!!" I am not talking about Christians either, I mean everyone has that reaction: agnostic, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist--you name it.
I actually find this happening quite hilarious, but at the same time I feel trapped because it makes me feel as though I can never tell anyone what I may possibly be struggling with at the moment. I tell God everything...I would just like to have a sounding board sometimes that I can actually see. Not that people always give sound advice, and we're not to put our trust in them, yet everyone could use someone they can put their confidence in every once and a while.
These feelings are probably just a part of the season I am in currently--I mean everything is all gravy, but unless you're a schizoid, being alone--in terms of friendships--is tough. I have friends; however I find myself being the sounding board more often times than not, and when I do have something I need to talk about, I never know the words to use--so just talking to God works out because I never have to try to explain things in the coherent way I have to with people--sometimes I don't even have to use words. That's the beauty of God. Anywho, I am kind of just rambling now...
Kay Rich, out